from Peter

John came into my life in November of 1993. We met in a bar in Sydney and our relationship grew from lust ,passion and lover to mature into mutual respect and partnership. Our marriage in Toronto in 2003 cemented the already strong relationship we had built. John achieved much in our time together. He refined me in a way you would all be familiar with….making sure I was dressed correctly for every occasion, pulling out errant facial hairs… often without warning…chastising me for social indiscretions. I took him out of his comfort zone on occasions….I don’t think he had ever taken a bus before he moved in with me. My calm nature was a counter his stressful nature and he said that I had helped him get through many crisiss.

He encouraged me to renovate the cottage on the south coast. He would choose paint colours over and over again, while I painted them on….over and over again. His sense of style and taste will remain with me forever.

He also achieved much for himself on a personal level. He managed to leave his previous partner Chris without animosity and in way that has allowed us all to remain friends. In his professional life he, of course excelled. He became Asia Pacific training manager for Microsoft Business Solutions. This career took him to many parts of the world that I’m sure he never expected to be…Singapore and Manila being amongst them.

He started his own business in 2003 and savoured the challenges that came along with it. He successfully organised training sessions all over the world . He wrote a training course for Microsoft that will be in use for many years to come. This career took him all over the globe…South Africa, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon and of course all parts of the US and Canada. Those journeys around the globe would see us criss crossing and meeting around the world. Statements like let’s meet in London and go to Amsterdam were not unfamiliar. Travel was a big part of Johns life…he relished every part of it, the food, culture and the people.

All of you are familiar with the good and bad aspects of johns character…he didn’t change. His concern for others , I saw time and time again. When Tim Browns wife Margaret passed away John had no hesitation in flying over to help in any way he could. A friend of ours was terminally ill in Oklahoma….John undertook an arduous 30 hr journey to be with him when he died. There are many examples of that sort of behaviour..

John was in contact over the internet with people all over the world….If anyone was coming to Sydney, he would make sure they were welcomed…he would organise introductions, meals , drinks or invitations with his usual flair. In turn we would be made welcome into peoples homes anywhere we went. John loved his life in Australia….he loved the beach, the weather and the outdoor lifestyle. He never lost his appetite for a party….he would dance all night often. His biggest regret about living there was the fact that we are so far away from his friends family here and around the world.

John was never going to be a rich man. He earned plenty of money, but had the ability to spend more…as you al know he had to have the latest in fashion, music and technology. He accrued much wealth of another kind though…. the large circle of friends that attended his memorial service in Sydney is testament to that. He made friends easily and worked to maintain those friendships.

In this past year, John was elected Vice President of Harbour City Bears, a gay social group for bigger hairy guys in Sydney. He was able to use all his social networking and organisational skills to the great benefit of the club. His professional attitude ensured that every event he was involved with was a success. While he was involved with the club he had the opportunity to choose a charity to benefit from our fundraising. It had previously been the helicopter rescue service, but john saw no connection with gay men and searched for a more related charity. He chose the Inspire Group, a Sydney based charity whose focus is youth suicide prevention. He recently had to make a speech at the opening of a charity fund raising night. I know he found it very emotional to talk about this subject….he tried a couple of different speeches at home, but couldn’t get through them. When he eventually chose a speech and spoke on the night I could tell he was close to tears. In hindsight, I think he may have experienced these feeling when he grappled with his sexuality.

Tim was talking to me one day years ago and asked “hows life on the roller coaster” That was all too true…John could be happy, sad, angry charming loving and bitchy…all in a half hour. He had a long shit list that was easy to get onto and hard to get off….everyone felt his acid tongue from time to time. .

To say he was a complicated man is a huge understatement. It was rare to get him to sit still and talk…at best that might last 5 minutes. He was often vague and forgetful…he would start a sentence and just taper off. leaving me hanging for the finish. I would look into his eyes and wonder…just what is going on in there? We will never know why he felt he had no other options in his last moments. Looking back with the benefit of hindsight, I think he managed depression for a long time. He did not handle a crisis well and perhaps this latest one added to past ones was enough to put him into a place he had never been before and could see no way out of. You all have questions…most of those will remain unanswered. He left notes to his mother, Tim and I. They did not shed any light on why he felt the way he did. As you would expect he was thorough in every way, he spent two hours completing his plan. He made sure that I would not be the one to find him…there was no chance of failure.

Our relationship was solid, his health was fine and he had no business worries.

I know that I have a lost a lover and partner and you have a lost a good friend. In mourning his passing we must not dwell on the last moments but on the 46 years that he spent with us..

Peter's Travel Log:

I left Sydney on Friday March 26th with Tim Brown, John’s lifelong friend and flew directly to Vancouver. Tim now lives there with his partner Emma. We spent the weekend relaxing and trying to overcome the colds that we both were suffering from. We had commenced arrangements to hold a celebration of John’s life in his home town, Kingston Ontario. This was to be held on Easter Saturday. Arranging flights became a bit of a problem with prices at a premium over the Easter break. Emma wanted to accompany us, but she couldn’t get any extra days off work.

One of John’s work colleagues, Kristi Honey had called me while I was still in Sydney…I had met her on a previous visit with John. She wanted to meet me in Toronto, so I decided to fly over there on Wednesday and meet her. John’s friend Angela Nickoloff picked me up at the airport and we had dinner with Kristi later that night. The next day I caught the train to Kingston, a 2 hour journey. John’s sister Debbie and his stepfather Bob met me at the station. I had organised through Bob that John’s ashes could be placed in the family plot as soon as possible. We went straight from the train station across the road to the cemetery. I had assumed we would just leave the ashes at the office, but it was up to us to place them in the hole that had been dug. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done…we were all in tears.

We then went to John’s mother Mary’s place and spent the next couple of hours talking about John. Afterwards Debbie and I went to her place and we both did a lot of talking and drinking and crying. The next day I went to Mary and Bobs for lunch before Debbie picked me up and we went to her daughter Holly’s house for a barbeque with Holly’s husband Kyle and her brother Cory and his partner Lisa and their daughter. Holly lives 15km away in Odesssa. Debbie and I returned to her house that evening and waited for Tim and Emma to arrive after their drive from Toronto. They picked me up later that evening and we went Angela and Brian’s Kingston house together with some other friends of Johns and we sat up talking until about 1 am.

The next day, Easter Saturday was spent going through pictures for the slide show that evening and in the afternoon meeting some more of John’s friends at the local golf club. The celebration started at 5pm in a restaurant called Pan Chancho’s , we had the use of a private area at the rear and there was also a patio area outdoors. The weather was exceptional. clear skies and 25c, breaking records for warmest April day since the 40s. Around 30 people attended, most of whom I had met on previous visits. We had a TV set up with the laptop connected and a slide show on….the music came from Johns Ipod. Once everyone had arrived and had a couple of drinks we called everyone out to the patio and Tim greeted them and introduced me…I gave a eulogy I had written, Tim repeated the one he had written in Sydney and some of Johns friends made speeches. I spent time with each of John’s friends and learned a lot about his youth and upbringing. They in turn learned a lot about how John had spent the last 20 years away from them.

We left the restaurant about 9 pm and moved to a bar nearby called the Toucan. Things started to get a little messy there…many of these people hadn’t seen each other for a number of years and they had a lot of catching up to do. I left with Tim and some others around 11.30 and we caught a cab back to Brian’s house and had a nightcap and a pizza that Brian ordered. The next days hangover befitted the gravity of the night before’s celebrations. We met some friends for brunch and then left to drive back to Toronto. I spent the next day with Tim and Emma; we had lunch with Emma’s family. Tim and Emma flew back to Vancouver the afternoon and I returned the next day.

I feel much better about John’s passing after this visit….a lot of blanks were filled in about his upbringing that give clues about him as an adult. I also have a sense of finalisation of my duties at the Canadian end. I also have have a new family with John’s sister and her kids. I have ties to Canada that will go on forever. I spent the remainder of my time in Vancouver, which is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. On the last day Tim took me to Whistler and we rode the Gondola up to the ski slopes and I had my first close up experience of skiing…just watching of course…it truly is magnificent up on the mountains.

The Crew	Corey, Debbie, myself, Holly and Kyle	Bob, Mary and I	John's final resting place

from Chris / CP

My name is Chris or CP and I’m here to share and celebrate the life and times of John’ Edgar Richardson or as he was commonly known as JohnCC.

I have known and shared 21 years of his short time with use. I’m classed as the previous or ex partner, but I would like to consider myself as the middle partner.
John and I meet in Easter 1989, whilst he was touring Australia, on a 12 month working visa. In those days gay men would mostly meet at the bars or saunas. John had been out drinking at the bars and he ventured to the sauna after consuming a large amount of alcohol.
The first thing I learnt about John Boy was his affinity with classical artists of fine paintings, such as Rubens. Rubens had always admired and painted the full figured women and John followed in these classic styles by idealising and admired the full figured man.
I suggested we return to Redfern, where he would base himself for the next 13 years of his life.
John moved from Punchbowl to Redfern in April 1989.
He continued working and touring Australia, during this period. Our relationship flourished and bloomed, in the normal style of new romance.
John‘s passion to travel started prior to his arrival within Australia. He travelled to London England, in his early 20’s, where he meet and commenced his relationship with Phillip Chancellor (the first partner).
Phillip was the chancellor of a Church at Holborn, which was located in Central London. John based himself with Phil, whilst he was work and touring England and Europe.
After touring Australia, John had to return to Toronto Canada, since his working visa was about to expire. During the next 6 months, we constantly communicated and I quickly learned that John had liked to express his emotions through the type of music he listen too.
During this absence he sent me Human League song Together in Electric Dream. This song has been dear to my heart for a long time and will continually remind me of him. I’m certain that you all have such moments and I hope you keep hold of those all those memories.
He returned to Sydney in late 1990, where we commenced the next phase of our relationship and applied for the inter-dependency relationship, which was granted in 1991.
In the 21 years, our relationship evolved from lover, partner and then unconditional friend. In the course of our relationship we maintained a great lifestyle of house parties and hitting the scene.
There was one thing I quickly learnt that John could not be restricted and wanted total control of his freedom and destiny. This freedom lead him to move on to the next flower Peter (the last partner)
Peter was known as the Wednesday Man, which I didn’t know for sometime. Wednesday’s were my time for hitting balls around the tennis court. And I sure other we hit.
John and I had separated in late 1997, but continued to live together at Redfern. He had total freedom and secure, but still had my support and friendship. Once, he finally made the commitment to Peter, he moved to Maroubra in 2002.
I know it was a sad day to see him go but we still maintained our friendship to the end.
There was one place where John was totally at ease. He loved the cottage at Shoal Haven Heads. Peter and he created an oasis, where they and many friends would chill out and be able to enjoy the simple life. I know that his spirit will always be around this cottage.
Next, I would like to share a story about John’s close encounter with Australian creepy crawlies animals. We were sharing the house with Len and Derrick, when one day the silence was shatter by John and Derrick screaming like little girls.
Lenny and I had raced to the bedroom from where they screaming emanated and there they were transfixed pointing to a Huntsman Spider on the wall. Both Len and I commented that “it only a spider”.
With that John raced to the kitchen, grabbed the Baygon and came back and coated the spider totally with this white fine mist, which looked like snow.
John next words were “Poof, now your are snow flake and you can’t harm me”
My next story relates to John’s enthusiasm to travel has occasionally or sometimes tested him limitation. We had planned a holiday to fly to Cairns and drive back to Sydney. Unfortunately, the pilot strike of the 90’s was hampering our efforts.
John was unperturbed and came up with the alternative that we drive both ways. My futile attempts to explain to John that we would be travelling the equivalent distance between Vancouver and Toronto. John remained focused and determined to have a holiday in Cairns.
The car was hired, loaded and we setoff on our epic journey. My aim was to take the inland route and drive as far as I could, so that he would get to see our vast country. Upon reaching Tamworth, John has asked me “how far do we have to go”. I replied “two days” and he reply with “I'm bored, Chairman of the Bored”
We completed the journey both ways with the Chairman of the B O R E D, Bored.
I know Peter, recently had a similar experience with a campervan. We both learned our lesson that John preferred method mode of transport was flying and preferably in Business Class.
I learned early that John was always a free spirit and could not be restrained.
John was a large part of our family community and I know he will be sadly missed. There have been many people in John’s life and I know he loved you all in his special way.
Peter Gatt was on of those very close friends. John and Peter formed a brotherly bond, which continued after Peter passed away.
I know they will meet in my Electric Dream and one day we will all meet up again.
We are all individually experiencing this emotional roller coaster and I know we might have several rides, before we can stop.
Please talk to someone, if you can’t get off.
We will never understand the reason but I want you all to remember and celebrate the life of John.

from Gary

I first met John on holiday here back in early ‘97. I only got to know him and understand him a bit better when I came to live here a couple of years ago. He was very helpful to me with my computers at home and at work, but mainly I knew John as a friend – someone who was always around at many of the social events and friends’ houses that I go to.

I think it’s fair to say that I sometimes found John a very difficult man to pin down. He had a very mercurial temperament – he could be warm, cutting, friendly, sarcastic, generous, irascible, enlightening, rude, or funny, and he could be all of those things often within the space of 10 minutes. He was always suggesting a night out, going to see a band, going out for a meal or a drink or a party, and of course I recognised and appreciated the major role he took on with the bears group here, where he and everyone else on the committee did a brilliant job in creating a week of great social events and parties just recently.. What strikes me when I think about John, is actually just how much he was constantly bringing people together. He may have been a difficult man to pin down, but in his actions and behaviour he was consistently helping, connecting and supporting people.

Some of you here may know what it can be like to fall into a deep depression. You will know how completely isolating it can be – you can feel totally cut off from others, as thought they exist in an entirely different world, one that you're just looking in on. What happens in this isolated state is that everything and everyone that has meaning in your life can suddenly disappear from view. Your life seems to be meaningless and without future or purpose, it can never get better, things will never resolve themselves, it will always be like this. And when you’re alone in that cold corridor, ending your life can seem like the only possible logical choice. And I think that that cold logic was very evident in the way John lived his last few hours The day after he died it was a beautiful sunny morning and I woke up and thought - John would probably have enjoyed this morning if he had been here with us. Later I went to the gym, and there was a mother and baby class – all these mums were exercising with babies laid out on mats, wriggling, looking up at me with big eyes, and I looked back at them and thought – this is new life, life being renewed. All around us are these simple and everyday things that remind us of what a pleasure it can be simply to be alive. The evidence of what there is to live for is staring us in the face, but sometimes we can completely lose sight of that and it is reconnecting with other people that can bring us back to life and a sense of what it and we have to offer..

For me the sadness and the madness of John’s death is that he must have got to a place of total isolation, and when he got there, and needed it most, the man who was so good and so energetic at creating connectedness with others was simply not able to draw on the reserves of warmth and suppport that he had been so successful at creating. If John in his final hours had sought support or strength from any person in this room, they would have freely given it to him. But he didn’t. And we couldn’t.

Thank you John for everything you did for all of us here, we recognise it and we salute you for it. Bless you John and rest in peace.

from Tim

John - The Early Years

My name is Tim Brown, I’m one of John’s dearest friends from his hometown, Kingston, Ontario, Canada.

I want you all to know that there is a large group of friends in Canada thinking about all of us here, sending their love and support. I thought it would be a good idea to tell all of you a little about my friend, John, as I saw him and what he meant to his friends back home in Canada. I am honored to be representing them.

Though I formally met John back in 7th grade, it may have been much earlier. John and I happened to share the same birthday. In fact we were born in the same hospital. As we got older, in typical John style, we both jokingly compared notes on who had the most dysfunctional family. We always said that maybe the doctors mixed us up in the hospital and his mother was actually mine and vice versa. Then laughed at each other as who had had the better deal.

Throughout high school John was always popular. He never tried being the leader or looked for attention but it seemed that his house was always the social gathering point. He always had to have the best and the latest in toys, clothes, technology and music. I remember before every high school dance many of us would head to John’s, to groom ourselves (how John was so good at that), have “refreshments”, listen to 80’s music and argue trivia. We would compete to see who was the smartest and John would certainly hold his own. We were the typical teenage boys.

As the story goes, John never had a problem attracting admirers either, unfortunately for him most of them women. He left many of these poor, rejected, insecure girls asking, “What is wrong with me?”.

John was always just one of the guys to us. He was part of our family. I often thought, in retrospect, knowing how sensitive John was, I can only image how difficult those teenage years must have been coming to terms with his sexuality. And for John to endure the typical amount of gay bashing that too often boys do at that age. After University he could have easily moved on with his life and forget “the guys”, but he didn’t. He stayed loyal since and we all acknowledge being better people for having shared those formative years with him.

John has a special place in my heart for a good reason. For it was he, at the age of 16, that had convinced me to call a girl that I didn’t know, but to which I had been infatuated with for some time. Though I very much wanted to meet this girl and ask her out, I didn’t have the nerve to do so. Somehow after many hours of coaxing, he finally convinced to make the call. He went on and on about how easy it would be and I shouldn’t worry. Somehow, nervous as I was, I picked up the phone, and dialed her number only to expect the worst. I did speak to her and when the call was over, John looked at me and said, “Are you crazy? I can’t believe you did that!” Well as things turned out, that same girl, 23 years later, became my wife, Margaret. And as life sadly comes full circle, John again stepped up, as only John could do, to provide the right words and support to help me through her sudden passing 8 years ago.

I know we will never know why this had to happen, but we are left having to accept it and to learn from it. I can only reflect now on the loss of my wife to recognize though my own tragedy, as difficult as it was, I have gained much. When Margaret died John came to visit me in Toronto and in turn he invited me back to Sydney for Mardi Gras. I was fortunate to meet many of you that are here today. Though I really didn’t know much about John’s life here prior, I left Australia comforted knowing that he had a large social circle, full of many good people, or now I could say, a good circle full of many large people. I thank you all for taking care of our John for so long.

And to you John, I don’t know how Pete put up with for you so long. As I often told you, Pete was the perfect match for your personality. I know how much you meant to each other.

In checking off my list of things I need to do in my life, I can say now that I have had the honor of being a witness at a gay marriage. It was a truly beautiful day. It was a highlight in my life and I will cherish the memory. Thank you for sharing that with me.

I promise that I will do my best to support Pete and to help him though this most difficult time. Even though I live in Canada, the distance will not weaken our friendship.

John, I am a richer person for having had you in my life. Good-bye my friend. I love you and will miss you dearly.